A Different Life
by Noodle0302
Summary: One night changes the course of her life. *NSFW* Rated M for a reason. (F)Hawke x Fenris


Empty. That is the only word that could describe how she felt as she sat on the side of her bed, tears streaming down her face unchecked and unnoticed. Empty.

What had she done wrong?

Sure she was a mage sympathizer. And sure they hadn't always agreed on a few-okay, maybe more than a few topics, but she thought that they had finally gotten past all that. The rumpled bed sheets and the sweet ache between her legs seemed to agree with that assessment. However, his absence seemed to belie the evidence. So, what had she done _wrong_? What had caused him to walk-no, more like **run**-out?

He had said the markings didn't hurt. He had said it was good for him too. He had said all he wanted was to be happy... More tears ran unnoticed down her cheeks. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he somehow knew he could never be happy with her...

Empty. There was no other word to describe how she felt. Just...empty.

Time passed and her body began to voice its displeasure at sitting in one position, unmoving, for so long with new aches and stiffness. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there. She had no concept of the amount of time that had passed, but if the direction of the sunlight filtering through the drapes was any indication, it must have been for several hours. All night and well over half the day, probably. Well, maybe only half the night since she didn't know what time in the early morning he had left.

Empty.

Woodenly, she got up and went about gathering her various articles of clothing that were scattered about the room, trying to work out the stiffness in her back and limbs as well. She bent down to retrieve her robe and gasped at the forcefulness of the memory that seized control of her mind.

_Fenris turned them again and had her pinned in between his unyielding body and the equally unyielding wall. Her fingers clinched in his hair as his lips moved down the column of her neck, seeking the fluttering pulse at the base of her throat. At a hard yank of his hair, he let out a deep growl and grabbed her hips, pulling her against the hardening of his groin. She hissed as the spikes of his armor dug into the soft skin of her stomach._

_"Your armor has to go," she whispered breathlessly as he started sucking and nibbling at her neck, leaving a mark that she was sure to get questions about._

_"Not here," he growled into her throat. She shivered as she felt it reverberate through body and nodded her head in agreement._

_"My bedroom. Do you know which one it is?"_

_In response, he brought his mouth back to hers and forced his tongue into her sweet cavity, asserting his dominance over her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, her arms and legs instinctively wrapping around his body to help support her weight._

_Fenris turned with her in his arms and gracefully strode up the stairs to her bedroom. His mouth latched onto that same spot on her neck again. He stumbled only once when she flicked the tip of his ear with her tongue and blew a soft breath across it. He muttered a curse in Tevene and she pulled back and smirked at him._

_"Fool woman. Do you want me to drop you?" he growled at her. But before she could answer, he recaptured her lips and began plundering her mouth with his tongue again. She moaned into his mouth as his hands dropped to the roundness of her bottom and squeezed the firm cheeks._

_Finally they reached her door and she dropped her legs to the ground so she could turn around and open it, effectively ending their heated exchange. She glided into her room but didn't get far before Fenris, only a step behind her, grabbed her by the hips and pulled her back to his body. The sound of his foot kicking the door closed barely registered in her mind as he thrust his hips into her backside, eliciting a moan from both of them. Her head fell back to his shoulder as his mouth descended to the juncture of her neck and shoulder and bit._

_A shiver shot through her body and she reached up to hold his head in place as he continued to nip and suck at her soft flesh. She moaned his name when his hands began to explore the front of her body. He released a growl deep in his chest in response and raised his hands to her breasts, kneading the aching mounds._

_Unable to resist any longer, she quickly spun around, startling Fenris and forcing his mouth to release her shoulder with a sucking _pop_. She started working on the buckles of his armor wanting to see and feel his skin beneath. Her fingers were having difficultly with the unfamiliar trappings and buckles and, chuckling, Fenris set about helping her divest himself of his spiky protection._

_When the last piece fell to the ground with a resounding _thump_, Fenris stood before her in only his skin tight pants and undershirt. Her hands immediately sought the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head but before she could do it, he grabbed her wrists and pulled her to his body. They both sighed at the feel of their bodies meeting without the impediment of his armor. She could feel his hard length pressing into her belly and pressed her hips forward seeking the promise of pleasure._

_Fenris hissed in her ear and twirled them around, pressing her back into the door, her hands resuming the exploration of his body. He once again recaptured her lips while his hands made short work of her robe. After loosening the ties, he pulled the garment down her arms, forcing her exploration to stop, and carelessly tossed the cloth behind him to land uselessly on the floor next to the bed. She was left in nothing but her breast band and smalls. But with a quick twist of his fingers and a yank of his hands, both pieces drifted to the floor in useless tatters._

_She let out an indignant huff at the waste of perfectly good underclothes. However, her outrage was soon forgotten as Fenris bent his head and captured a hardened nipple in his mouth. She gasped and clinched her fists in his hair to hold his head in place. His tongue flicked and swirled the sensitive peak as he slid his hand up to pinch and fondle her other breast._

_Her mind was in a daze from the pleasurable sensations he was inducing within her body. Then, unexpectedly, his mouth disappeared from her breast and she let out a cry of protest at the loss. The cry soon transformed into a moan when she felt him press his hands to her thighs, urging her to widen her stance. When she complied, his mouth quickly sought out the moisture at the crux of her thighs, his tongue darting out to flick the pearl hidden in her folds. She brought her fist to her mouth and bit her knuckles in order to try to stifle the cry of pleasure that threatened to escape her lungs._

_His hand immediately followed his mouth and she felt him push two of his fingers into her dripping entrance. He curled his fingers at just the right spot and flicked his tongue at the same moment. She gasped and her hips jerked forward of their own accord. She was unable to control the spasms that coursed through her body and she grabbed fistfuls of his hair to steady herself. Fenris grunted in pain but continued on._

_His fingers and tongue soon started a perfectly synchronized yet completely unpredictable rhythm, drawing out her pleasure yet denying her the completion she yearned for. A steady stream of cries and moans escaped from her lips, uncaring who heard so long as Fenris would give her the end she craved._

_Then, all of a sudden, he stopped. She gave out a loud cry of outrage that was quickly silenced by his mouth slanting over hers as he stood in front of her again. She could smell and taste her own juices on his tongue and lips and eagerly lapped them up, quickly becoming addicted to the taste of his mouth and her own essence combined in one location._

_Fenris reached around and grabbed her behind her legs and lifted her up his body, walking them over to her bed. He tossed her down on the mattress and recaptured her lips, lazily drawing out his own pleasure from their kiss. After a while, he pulled back and gazed down at her, his eyes roaming all over her face. She smiled up at him and reached up to rub her fingers across his cheek and tuck a loose lock of hair behind his ear. He shivered as her fingers brushed the length of his ear and her smile turned into a grin. But before she could do anything else, he slid down her body and took up position between her legs again._

_This time he didn't seem intent on denying her a release. His tongue and fingers started up an evenly, steady rhythm that immediately sent her to just shy of completion. Her fingers dug in the sheets of the bed. A continuous mantra of his name and pleas were rolling off her tongue, begging for her long denied release._

_Finally his lips locked around her pearl and he gave a hard suck just as his fingers firmly pressed to her pleasure point inside. Intense pleasure erupted throughout her body and, in order to keep from waking her mother, she snatched up a nearby pillow and used it to muffle her screams. Pleasure radiated from her core and coursed throughout her body, and she rode the waves all the while mindlessly chanting Fenris's name and cries to the Maker into the pillow._

_At last the pleasure subsided and she just lay there with the pillow over her face, catching her breath and letting her over-sensitized body recover. She startled when the pillow was suddenly removed._

_Fenris hovered over her, not a stitch of clothing covering his body. She figured he must have quickly removed his clothes while she was recovering from her orgasm. She reached her hands up and ran them over the exposed skin and markings of his chest, marveling at the shear beauty of the silvery blue designs over sleek muscle. As her fingers traced the markings, she felt a shiver ran through his body and heard a slight moan escape his throat. She glanced to his face and noticed that his eyes were closed, his eyebrows slightly furrowed, and his jaw was clinched tight._

_"I've hurt you! I'm sorry," she whispered and started to withdraw her hands._

_"No," He replied hoarsely, trapping her hands in between his own callused ones and his chest. "Don't stop. There's no pain. It feels...good." An almost confused expression crossed his face at the realization._

_She smiled and nodded, then continued tracing her fingers over the lines of both his muscles and the lyrium. She noticed that, whenever her fingers would slide over his skin, onto the lyrium, and back to skin again, goosebumps would rise over the area and an answering shiver would travel from that spot. She grinned and raised her eyes to his to tease him about that discovery, but any words she had died on her tongue._

_He was gazing down at her, his beautiful green eyes almost black with desire. She had to swallow a few times in order to return the moisture to her suddenly dry throat. He leaned down and captured her lips with his own, his hunger so intense it sent an answering ache immediately to the pit of her stomach. Her inner muscles tightened and moisture flooded her already drenched opening._

_She arched her hips towards his, searching for the kind of pleasure only he could provide for her. She shivered, tiny goosebumps breaking out across her own skin, as she felt him lightly slide his hand over her aching breasts, down her ribs and stomach to rest at her hip, his thumb rubbing small circles over her naked hipbone._

_At a nudge from his knees, she spread her legs wider and moaned as he lowered his body between her thighs. He slid his hand down to position himself at her opening and slowly began to ease his way in. They both pulled back from their kiss, gasping and moaning at the feeling of tightness, slickness, and stretching._

_He continued to ease into her at such a torturously slow rate that she tried bucking her hips to speed him up, her hands reaching down to pull his hips closer to hers. But before she could urged him any further than an inch, he grabbed a hold of her hips and held her in place, her strength no match for his own. He continued to steadily slide into her tight sheath. The slow progress was robbing her of breath and thought._

_After what felt like an eternity, he hilted himself and they both sighed and laid still basking in the feeling of tightness, heat, and complete fullness. When she couldn't hold out any longer, she whispered his name and squirmed a little to get his attention and he began moving in response. His movements were slow and deliberate. He retreated until only the tip of his hard length was left in her and then slowly eased his way back inside. He continued at a sluggish pace, drawing out their pleasure for as long as possible. She begged and pleaded for him to go faster but he just silenced her with kisses and continued at his slow pace._

_She tried to do everything to get him to speed up. She tried bucking and writhing her body against his but he seemed immune and continued to hold her down. She tried running her hands along his skin and lyrium markings, but he just moaned and then trapped her hands above her head with one of his own, his other hand keeping a secure hold of her hip. She even tried nibbling and running her tongue along one of his ears and was almost successful. He shivered hard and bucked his hips forcefully into hers but then pulled his head back out of the reach of her mouth, giving her a chastising look, and continued his slow pace. She groaned in frustration and tortured pleasure._

_The slow, steady slide of his body inside and along hers was slowly driving her insane. She wanted him to pound into her, to take her forcefully, to quench the burning fire that was slowly eating up from the inside out. She yearned for completion but it felt that, with his unchanging pace, she would never get there. She continued to beg and plead for him to give her more but he seemed immune to her pleas, opting to kissing her softly instead._

_Then, unexpectedly, her completion broke over her. Her back bowed up from the mattress as the soft waves of pleasure rippled from her core and washed throughout her body leaving in its wake both contentedness and restlessness, fulfillment and longing, pleasure and frustration, lust, love and happiness._

_She felt her eyes tearing up at the jumble of emotions and had to blink a couple of times to keep the tears from spilling over. She laughed aloud when Fenris stopped his easy thrusting and she saw the worry on his face. She quickly reassured him that everything was fine-no, _perfect_. She felt a thrill go through her at the soft look in his eyes and laughed at the smirk he gave her._

_If she hadn't been in love with Fenris before all of this started, she knew she was now. There was no hope for her. She was ruined for other men. She loved him with every fiber of her being. She pulled his lips down to her own and poured every bit of that emotion into a scorching kiss._

_Then he started up thrusting again and this time he didn't hold back. His thrusts were hard and fast and rough. Everything she begged and pleaded for the first time, he gave to her. He was setting a pace that she couldn't keep up with and so she ended up having to wrap her arms and legs around him and just hold on. He brought his hand up to her breast to pinch and roll the sensitive peak, his body bending so he could take up the other one in his mouth. Her arms dropped from around his neck and she stretched up to grab hold of the headboard in order to give herself something stable to hold on to._

_A continuous cacophony of moans, gasps, curses, and praises from both of them filled the room as Fenris continued to set a brutal, intense pace. He raised his head from her breast and, reaching down to grab behind both of her thighs, he brought her legs up over his shoulders, bending her body nearly in half. This new position gave him a better angle of penetration and better leverage to pound into her sopping heat. It also gave both of his hands freedom to roam her body._

_Knowing he wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer, he brought his fingers to her throbbing little bundle of nerves and started rubbing and pinching her overly sensitive bud to speed her along. He brought his free hand to her breasts and alternated between the two, squeezing the soft globes and rolling and pinching the hardened nipples._

_She felt the pressure building in her belly and, knowing she wouldn't be able to contain her scream, she reached for the pillow again so that she could use it as a muffler. But before she could bring it to her face Fenris yanked it from her hands and threw it off the side of the bed._

_"Fenris, I need th-"_

_"No," he growled, cutting her off mid sentence. "I want to see your face, not the pillow."_

_He released her legs so she could wrap them around his waist again and gave her one more hard, final thrust, their eyes blazing into each other's. That thrust sent them both tumbling over the edge with a shout and wail of each other's names. The sound was quickly smothered in a fierce kiss. Waves upon waves of pleasure crashed over them as he continued pumping into her. Continuous jets of his hot seed shot into her womb, her inner walls clenching him like a tight fist and milking him for all he was worth._

_Slowly his frantic thrusting ease and after he was completely spent, Fenris collapse on top of her body, his head pillowed on her breasts. They lay there, bodies trembling, as the last waves of ecstasy rippled through them, their bodies slowly winding down from the overwhelming pleasure. Every now and then their muscles would give a small spasm, an echo of the intense pleasure they experienced._

_After a while, Fenris eased out of her tight sheathe and rolled to the side and onto his back, taking his weight off of her and letting her breathe. She let out small groan of displeasure as she was left bereft of his hard length and the warmth of his body. She rolled onto her side, cuddling up to him and wrapping an arm around his waist._

_"Will you stay?" she asked him._

_He nodded his head and sleepily grunted an affirmative. He sat up and grabbed the small throw at the foot of the bed and brought it over their bodies. He then wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her closer to his body. She smiled sleepily into his chest and happily drifted off to sleep, the feel of his lips pressed to the crown of her head and the sound of his heart beating in her ear..._

She came to with a loud gasp. She was spread out on the floor next to her discarded robe. Tremors were running through her body from the force and vividity of the vision, or rather the memory, that rampaged through her mind. She was neither able to control it nor stop it from taking control of her mind. The memory-vision was so clear it was almost like she relived the events all over again.

She could still feel His hands on her body. She could still taste the flavor of His mouth on her tongue. She could still feel the thrusts of His body into hers. She could still feel His arms wrapped around her and His lips pressed to her head.

She curled into a ball on the the floor and wept. Great wracking sobs tearing through her body at the overwhelming loneliness she felt. She yearned to go back to the emptiness from before because even that was preferable to the great emotional pain coursing through her now.

He left her. He _left_ her. After their night spent together, emotions and feelings laid bare, he had left her! And he didn't even look back.

She couldn't control the sobs that were forcing their way past her throat and inwardly winced because she knew her mother would hear her and come searching.

Still weeping, she slowly uncurled her limbs and picked up the robe laying beside her, slipping her arms through the sleeves. She couldn't muster up the energy to do any more than wrap the cloth around her nakedness before she fell back to the floor as a new wave of sobs seized her again.


End file.
